To the End of the Road…

#roadtoforty that is! I will be 40 in a week. I will be entering the forth decade of my life. Yikes! Double yikes!! The road so far has been a full one. Where lately, I’ve been refusing to do my hair or nails. No particular reason why. I just felt free. I’ve been enjoying being free. Plus, he thinks it’s kinda sexy when my hair is all over my head.

In these last days of my third decade I have been preparing for my next stage in life. This is new behavior for me. Usually I look up and it’s that time of year again. Let’s plan a celebrate! Not really putting forth the effort to consider the next step in my life. Where do I see myself this time next year? Where do I want to be in six months? Who do I look like? Repercussions from the last few years of neglecting to at least consider these questions has led me to look both back and forward, respectively. My thirties started off pretty decent, actually amazing at one point. Then the shit hit the fan. Now, here I am. Better. Free.

Freedom feels great. Freedom is the activity of brilliance. Freedom is to radiate. Pressure creates diamonds. Fire refines gold.

Brilliant and radiating, I have begun a new chapter. It’s so exciting. And daunting. There are times where I have to give myself these little pep talks. I hear my alter ego Aunt Bunni , jumping in saying “fuck it! What you got to lose baby gurl?! Who gonna check you?! Who you going to let check you?!”

Nothing. Nobody. Not a damn person. Then, I consider all of the conversations with God, the angry prayers and worries that I’ve carried to him. I remember what he says. How he responds to me, where I was, how it made me feel. Free. That’s the best way to describe it. The gift of understanding. The 30 rock that I lugged around, my struggle with faith. I’ve let go. As I step into 40 I step into Faith. Renewed. Free. And like Aunt Bunni says Fuck it, what you got to lose Baby Gurl? What 👏🏽you 👏🏽got 👏🏽to lose👏🏽👏🏽??

I encourage you to make sure that your next steps are steps made in freedom. Whatever that freedom means to you. Be it that big career choice, finances, letting go of toxic relationships, loving yourself fully, living the life you want free from familial and societies’ expectations. I look back on all of my recent choices & I’ve lost nothing of importance.

With faith and in freedom I welcome 40!