“The prayers that are offered in the state of dryness are those which please him best.” C.S. Lewis
I made a promise, well, we made a deal. The deal was when I get the job, I would go to his house. I would walk through those doors to praise him. Today, I kept my promise, held up my end of the deal. Since, of course, he did not fail me. Today, a mighty praise was had.
My road to 40 has been paved with tears, failure, frustrations, wounds, healing, more wounds and rawness, acts of faith, gratitude, optimism, love and his unwavering support. This journey, the process, it has been exhausting. It seems that the closer I get to 40, the more exhausted I’ve been. Weakened by trial, after lesson, after mistake, after experience, after decision, after WHEW! dodged that bullet, after I give up and in. I realized that the process was not harder, I have been weary.
“If only the will to walk is really there, he is pleased even with their stumbles.”
“At the scent of water, it will bud.” Job 14:9
Parts of this road existed in states of dryness paved with massive boulders and bricks that aren’t yellow. Named for chaos, dysfunction, laying down and taking it. The heaviest boulder, standing up and saying “This far, no further.” I’ve listened for his word, rejected his word, meditated, been present, centered and stayed still. At the scent of water I sprang up. Stronger, in effort to restore, replenish, and live in my purpose.
Y’all! My pastor preached a mighty word this morning. While I had no clue what he was going to say I went in ready to receive. It came from all directions. Not just the pulpit. I stood in awe unable to move at his presence as he covered me and whispered in my ear. Still as the swirl of people praised around me. Like being in the eye of the storm, that beautiful unearthly peace signaling that your God is right there with you.
Pastor preached about the process. My process. A process that has been nothing short of exhausting. I was helped to understand that my process is necessary, the only way for me to get where I am destined to be. To reap the harvest. A mighty harvest. That promise! Those words delivered got me off the pew and holding on to the one in front of me. Then to the side of me, for my good girlfriend, a text message was received with confirmation of a goal accomplished. My legs went jelly, cuz jam don’t shake like that. Ha! Seriously, I fell out with tears of joy on the floor of the sanctuary I screamed YES! Thank you lord! He did it! Won’t he do it! Yes! He will. He did! I pulled myself up and wrapped my arms around her as we balled! It was a messy makeup sway side to side hard cry.
Watching God move in my friends life after witnessing how he’s been moving in mine, simultaneously hearing Pastor say “acknowledge your progress, yes, the process is exhausting, but you are NOT where you once were. You’re not where you’re going, no, but you’ve made progress. Be not weary in your walk, you’re about to reap a harvest!” A promise. Prayers offered in dryness, answered.
This morning I needed to be in that space. Standing in sanctuary experiencing the fullness of his words to me. Allowing him to cover me and say “It is your time, yes, you have endured the process but do not let your success get lost in the struggle. Do not forget the progress you’ve made. ” What makes this experience so special to me is that church, a promise kept, was to accompany a Celebrate. Yes, a Celebrate. There was a reason why I left this space, I lost my voice, had nothing to say. The reason has now run its course. So here I am. Having a celebrate for progress made. As enjoyable as my celebrate outing was, it was nothing compared to my Sunday visit. My journey this far has truly been an exercise in faith. Over the last few weeks I’ve been watching God move in my life and it is an amazing sight.
Fire refines gold. Pressure creates diamonds.
As I travel this road to 40 I will share parts of my process, in hopes that you will find some solace and support in my words.
Count it all joy.
Oh! In case you were wondering what I did to celebrate. I went to fancy brunch. I devoured a Polenta Waffle topped with candied bacon and pecan crumbles and whiskey whipped cream with a side of smoked bacon. And lots and lots of water. Delicious!
Be good to each other.