It is none of your business who she sleeps with.
Why is it necessary to share intimate details in order to build a friendship or to become good friends? Some people consider this as a way of building trust. Yet when those intimate details are met with indifference and judgment all of that trust goes out of the window. There are other, more productive ways of building trust. Like, housesitting or sharing a project or a small business venture. In my opinion, sharing intimate details, not a good one. There is too much at risk and quite frankly, in that capacity, unnecessary. Too many times it becomes ammunition that eventually kills the friendship. Being offered up as gossip. Used as character assassinations in petty arguments or even assumed proof that this that and the other is going on.
Your girlfriend started talking to you about a life event. Honestly, she just needed to verbally make sense of the situation and talking to a person rather than talking to a brick wall makes her look less crazy. However, she needs and wants you to behave as said brick wall. Let’s keep in mind, that a venting session does not require feedback. A question is not being asked of you. What is being asked of you is to be an impartial, but active listener who waits until they are invited to participate. Not unlike the brick wall. Your presence is enough. Revel in that light. Trust me it is greatly appreciated and makes the friendship stronger. This practice will lead you to an opportunity to share your ideas and ideals. In the meantime, it is best to leave them out. No one wants to be judged for their decisions, especially when these decisions are life important. How many times have we witnessed a person judging us on the same things they do themselves. Those very things that they would not have shared with you. People simply do what is best for them.
The inability to be a brick wall creates an environment where your homie becomes guarded and feels alienated. She will cut you back, because she is uncomfortable sharing with you. The friendship suffers since she feels unsupported. You making a statement like “I’m not judging you, but…” is judgmental in nature. Saying with a tone of condescension “Is that something you really want to do?” or that nasty two word aside, “Yeaahh, but…” tugs at the threads of the friendship slowly pulling it apart. Now its like “Well shit, that’s my fault, I told you too much.” The result is her just shutting the fuck up from now on. Feelings have been bruised and the budding friendship ends up compartmentalized.
“Hey girl, How’s everything with you and your boo?”
“We good. How about that urban show everyone’s watching? It came on last night right?”
We should be able to confide in each other without the unnecessary comments and judgments on life choices. If you can only discuss the good things and not the bad, just shut up totally. We all need to vent every now and again. It is essential for a strong friendship. Nevertheless, everyone has something to say. Who you should be with. What your relationship should look like. How cautious you should be. Whether or not you should be sleeping with him or her. These ideas/commentary are based in perspective. Perspective , like assholes, everyone has one. Your standpoint, wants and needs are never considered in their opinion. So, I am sharing my intimate details with you why?
The search for the perfect brick wall continues…