Sir! You’ve got to come better than that.
I am fabulous and lonely. I glow, viridescent with the impending urge to vomit. For a little under 4 years it’s been just me. After my last love, I took those years to become my fabulous self. A lonely experience for those four years. But, life goes on. So now, I am open to meeting new people, cultivating new friendships and even exploring the option of an intimate relationship. In so many words. I’s ready. I say, I’s ready. Emotionally and physically., bringing so much to the table, I am on top of my game. Very easy on the eyes, witty, intelligent, funny, down to earth and well rounded. Traditionally educated and can hold my own on the hustle. A lady in the streets and a … well you know how it goes. You will not be displeased. But wait! There’s more! I cook, clean and will cater. Who will be the lucky guy. Sadly, I m not sure that there will be one. Not if what I have been experiencing is any indication. Why are dudes so lazy? Lackadaisical? So “eh”? I’m not “eh”. Yet when you come at me like “eh” and I don’t respond with unrestrained fervor that “eh” requests, you and your “eh” turn up and be all “fuck you then.” And you “eh” your way towards someone more mediocre. Don’t get me wrong, theres someone for everyone, admittedly I am not of the dozen. No fat ass(injections), beat face (to lounge around taking selfies), weave down to my fat ass or whatever else is popular. I get the attraction. I really do. Its not my thing, but Sir, you said something to me.
Details maybe. Sure thing. Recently, I spent the majority of the day with this guy and a mutual friend. There was fun chit chat. he was interesting, but I wasn’t head over heels. His conversation led me to believe that he was feeling me although he didn’t seize the moment. That’s fine. I know I’m different, not part of the dozen. Later on I talk with Mutual and was told that homeboy was feeling me. “Oh yeah?” I say. “Well I can’t tell.” Mutual assures me that he was. “Just wait. You will see.” “Ooo-kay” I say. Mutual is my dude. He’s always straight with me. So I paused. After a few days we get the opportunity to spend some time together. Not too bad. He was not what I’m used to. But alright. I’m ready. I’m cultivating and exploring. Going out later that evening was suggested. Yay! A date. Insert straight faced emoji here. I was half- excited. Rightly so. It’s been a while since I’ve gotten all dolled up. Seriously. At least 4 years. Quite frankly in my opinion the exchange was sloppy. This was new to me. The conversation went like this.
Him: Where you taking me?
Me: (a bit confused, maybe he is playing, so I’ll play along) Not sure yet. I’m out of the loop. (I say the Cheesecake Factory, I can handle that bill if need be and I don’t have to worry about an expensive “Thank You Daddi” situation.)
Him: Okay, I’ll call you.
Me: Well, you don’t have my number. (I know this is not going to end well)
Him: I’ll get it from Mutual.
Keeping in mind cultivating and exploring I know good sense trumps it all.
Him: Know where you want to go.
Sir really! So I end up being given his number by Mutual. I’m still attempting to cultivate and explore, but my excitement level is dropping. Quick. I shoot him a text and letting him know that I was still working and running behind but still down to go out. As of yet, no response. I talked to Mutual and he thought we hooked up. Nope.
Why bother though. Why go through all of that?
Then there’s the street harassment. Took myself to the movies. As I sashayed across the parking lot I here this fool yelling. “AYE! With your sexy ass self, looking all good, wit cha cute ass! Sexy self. Aye!” That’s the way you get me. That’s the ticket daddi. Ill be cooking your favorite dishes and looking fabulous on your arm with that kind of talk. That alluring cat calling will have me changing direction and walking over to you. I will give you my all when all you’ve given me is a disrespectful ass “eh”.
I remain optimistic. However, I ask that you sir, come better than that. If you are truly interested in me there’s a way to express it. Saying something funny works well. Offering to purchase my tall caramel macchiato w/ soy no whip, and holding the door with a sincere smile are all welcomed and accepted. Ask me about myself if you have time to chat. Not just the inquiry of “where ya man at?” Be confident sir. Fuck that. Assume that I have none and take your place. If you’re interested that is. Just don’t come at me with your “eh”. Lets not waste each others time. Come with your best. Trust, I have my best waiting for you.
Much Love, with my cute ass, sexy ass self.