For Us, Sisterhood and That Kangaroo-faced Looking Bitch.
In the name of sisterhood; woman to woman. Attempting to disguise your unhappiness in your unhealthy relationship. You try civility to claim your man. You made that phone call. So when she did not respond how you expected she should, she became that Kangaroo-faced looking bitch. Woman to woman, she has no obligation to you. Not an answer is owed. You mad because you have no control. So you express your anger by verbally attacking her on social media with a fun little meme. To paraphrase, it said.
“You do all of these things for a man, support him, be there for him in his time of need and he leaves you for a kangaroo-faced looking bitch.”
That’s not sisterly. Beyoncé came out as a feminist. So it’s hot, of the day. Just not the day you called her a Kangaroo-faced looking bitch. My immediate question to you is: Why do you feel as though your “support”obligates him to stay with you?
Automatically, someone you’ve never met is your enemy because she seemingly has something you want. You project your inadequacy complex on her. Instead of trying to understand or even just asking him why? You turn yourself into a victim of betrayal. You made assumptions about the relationship roles. For you; there is a level of obligation deserved. Of course, you’ve supported this man. Stuck it out with him. Swapping date nights for late nights studying. More specifically when the work situation got a little hectic, you held it down in the house with the kids. That career/education balance can be stressful on a relationship. You even waited those 1.5- 2 years for the separation to be final. That adds up. Those deeds hold value; they mean something. Wait, have you considered that while you were being supportive with gifts of time and money, you were simultaneously committing personality fraud with assumptions of relationship obligations. Have you taken into account that the negative energy you’ve attached to all of the support you gave made the relationship worthless. Then of course, he may just like her better. People are allowed to change their mind. Especially if they have been exposed to revelations and epiphanies. It is possible that one day he just woke up and saw how disingenuous you are. It happens. It’s okay. Ruminate with me. Man or woman, people stay in relationships that are unhealthy all of the time simply because it’s convenient. If a relationship becomes laced with obligations, that said relationship, which is now dangerously unhealthy, is immediately inconvenient. So there you stand, mad at KFLB. That’s the moment when both the relationship and your deeds become worthless. For him, the balance has shifted and there is no value to the drama. And ma’am, I will bet my last $100 that there is plenty of drama. Drama that is almost always confused as passion. “We been through a lot together.”In, You Are Not Blair Waldorf, Andrea Greb says, “ just because two people are capable of deeply hurting each other over and over again does not make them passionate star crossed lovers. It makes them two people who do terrible things to each other. A persons ability to make you completely and utterly soul crushingling miserable does not mean they are your soul mate with deep insight into your psyche. They are just someone who is really good at making you unhappy.” Why blame KFLB? It seems that the cost of your unhappiness is for him to stay? Since you did of course, support him so much. That obligates him. Right? Right. Forced obligations make for a strained relationship, destroying the peace and balance. A peace that will be sought elsewhere. Even if it’s just a peace of mind in a space of solace somewhere away from you. There may not be another person, that kangaroo-faced looking bitch might not exist. Understand that just like we go days, months, even a year or two without being intimate with someone, men can and do as well. Twenty-four hours is just not enough. The Kangaroo-faced looking bitch requires a significant amount of quality time. Just like any other woman. Same as you. You made a statement questioning why he would leave you for someone else after all you have done for him. Look inward instead of outward. Consider the role you’ve played in the demise of the relationship. Consider where you won’t and KFLB does. Enthusiastically. All support isn’t healthy or beneficial, warranted or enjoyed. Not when obligations are attached. Inauthenticity. Acting on perceived obligatory rationale exposes the true intent. “After all I done for you! MuthaFucka! After ALL I DONE FOR YOU?!” Red flags appear everywhere. If he didn’t see them waving before he can’t miss them now. A violation of trust and bond, your personality fraud is apparent. That statement is covered with obligations and assumptions on so many different levels. Tone it down some. Sis, your slip is showing. When you agree to enter into a relationship with some one you agree to lean on this person before anyone else. That’s BAE right? Before Anyone Else. It is us against the world. I want to do something, you support me. You want to do something, I support you. We have a common goal, we work towards it. Facing challenges and enjoying successes together. That’s what we do. We are a team. Our interest is not just the greater good for the team but to make sure that the other one is his best self. We are a reflection of our relationship. All of those obligations you seek suggest how flawed the relationship really is. You do things to say you did it and expect a prize for doing so. You were never sincere. If you were, then it would be no issue. He would not leave you for KFLB. He’d be asking “What are you ready to do baby? How can we be better? What’s next for us?”
Of course this is all rhetorical. It’s sisterhood.
“Nobody in this world like me with you.”©Macy Gray